“When I was five years old, I believed Jesus was my Savior, but he was not my Lord.
“As I grew up, I went to church, but I didn’t have a care in the world to make my faith my own. My parents modeled faith for me—I remember my mom being involved in Bible studies and my dad playing CDs that narrated the Bible in the car.
“I rolled into high school wanting to fit in with what I thought was normal or cool, so I started drinking and doing drugs with my friends, all while still going to church. It seemed like that was just how you lived life. That lifestyle carried on into college, and as I continued meeting people in those circles, things only escalated.
“Even though I called myself a Christian, I had absolutely no relationship with the Lord. As I think back, I had no idea how destructive the things I was doing were. I truly thought there was nothing wrong with the excessive drinking, drugs, and sexual sin because I just didn’t know the heart of the Lord. I didn’t study his Word, didn’t know his character, and didn’t understand the fullness of the gospel.
“After a couple of failed dating relationships, I found myself in the same patterns that left me void and empty. God felt really far away.
“I went to church on Sundays, felt guilty about what I was doing, and ‘turned away,’ but it felt like God only got further because I had an inability to do what was right. Romans 7:18 says, ‘For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.’ That was my life: I felt conviction for my sins, but I kept going right back to them.
“Then, my mom asked me to do a 40-day sugar fast with her and read the devotional with daily reflections, Scripture, and prayers that went alongside it. I had no idea what the Lord was going to do through that; I had no idea my mom and her friends would spend the entire 40 days praying expectantly for me.
“After the first couple of weeks, I read a question in the devotional that asked, 'What do you feel like the Lord is asking you to give up in addition to sugar?’ I felt like God was asking me to give up sex. That was the beginning of the end. As the 40 days went on, God began working in my heart to surrender fully to him.
“On day 41, in the middle of a heated argument with my boyfriend at the time, I believe the Holy Spirit told me, ‘This is not what I have planned for you. You’re done with this.’ So I broke up with him. Immediately, I felt peace.
“I quickly called my mom, and—ironically—she was in the middle of telling a friend how they’d been praying for me during those 40 days. They’d watched me stay in that unhealthy dating relationship, and they’d been asking God to bring it to an end. By his grace, the Holy Spirit gave me the strength to walk away—not just a hard decision but an answered prayer.“After experiencing the power of the Holy Spirit enabling me to do something I couldn’t do on my own, I started to see the world differently. I didn’t want to continue in the same way of life anymore.
“When I made the decision to pursue membership at Watermark, part of the requirement was to meet with someone and share my testimony—the story of how I came to trust the Lord as my savior. After hearing my story, she told me about Re:generation, Watermark’s 12-step recovery ministry.
“It was through Re:generation that I truly understood the weight of my sin and the weight of what Jesus did for me on the cross.
“I knew that because of everything I did, all of my sins, I deserved death. But Jesus took all of that on himself when he died on the cross. And when he rose again, he set me free. The old Haley died with Christ, and the new Haley rose with him (Romans 6:4-5).
“Through Re:generation, God answered so many prayers for friends and a community of Christ followers, and I learned the freedom of confessing sin. I saw God work miracles in transforming people’s lives, healing people, setting them free from addictions, restoring marriages, and so much more. There’s no way any person could do any of this in their own strength—no one has the ability to pull themselves out of sin. But God tracks us down and pulls us out in his grace, then uses us to care for others stuck where we used to be.
“I’m not perfect by any means, but life with Christ is beautiful because it’s ongoing. It feels like every day, the more I get to surrender, the more intimacy with the Lord there is. He’s taken my story, rewritten it, and made it beautiful. God didn’t have to pursue me, but he did, and now I get to enjoy the freedom of life with him.”