“For much of my life, if someone had asked me if I was a Christian, I would have said, ‘Yes, I believe in God and that Jesus died for me.’ I thought that was all I needed. It took years of running to the wrong things to finally find that a relationship with the Lord was what I was missing.
“Going to church as a young kid helped me answer questions about faith, but not much of a foundation in Christ was built in my young heart.
“In early elementary school, I started to be more mindful of my insecurities and dissatisfaction with the way I looked. I sought comfort in food from an early age, and later, that desire for comfort led me to a struggle with pornography that would last for years. In college, I was introduced to drinking and partying, and that quickly turned into frequent binge drinking. With each sin, I was looking for something to fill my desire for comfort and fulfillment.
“I always thought that I was good with God as long as I was a good person. Ninety percent of the time, I’d do the ‘right thing,’ and the other ten percent, I could do whatever I wanted.
“I look back on my choices, and I just see a cycle of bad choices. If something felt wrong, I’d go to church a little bit, then repeat everything over again. This pattern continued into my early thirties.
“Finally, I found rock bottom when I woke up at my house one morning, unable to recall what happened the night before. My parents called and asked me to come to their house, where they informed me that they had picked me up on the streets the night before after a police officer called them, threatening to take me to a drunk tank at the jail if they didn’t get me.
“That morning was an intervention of sorts. My parents asked me how I’d gotten to this point and were concerned for me. I shared that I was depressed and lonely. I felt like I would never have anyone. I was lost.
“This moment was the first time I noticed that my actions hurt others and didn’t only impact me. So, I started taking steps to ‘fix’ myself. My energy and focus were set on working out more and going out less—a combination that seemed like a good solution.
“Through my new time in the gym, I befriended someone who often talked about Watermark and its young adult ministry, The Porch, so I decided to attend. I’d been to Watermark a few times in the past, but I only went to feel a little better and spend a little time with God, and then I’d return to my old ways.
“God made it clear this time that this is where he wanted me. The speaker that night asked the audience, ‘What are you waiting for when it comes to having a relationship with Christ?’
“I had always had those conversations with myself until this point. I thought I’d wait until I got married and had kids to get my life ‘right’ and start going to church, but this message hit me differently.
“I started coming more often, sitting by myself at the top of the auditorium. I’d feel the pull to leave just like every time in the past, but I decided to stay this time. I wanted to run toward the Lord instead of away from him.
“As I grew closer to the Lord and trusted him, I learned that I was enough and made in his image. It didn’t matter what I thought I looked like in the mirror; God loved me. Time in God’s Word and surrounded by a biblical community was a reminder that he’s always there, and even if I am alone in life, I will never truly be alone.
“Now I can truly say I have faith in Jesus as the son of God and that his death, burial, and resurrection have cleansed me of my sins. Through his sacrifice, I will one day be in heaven, and until then, I get to spend every day in a relationship with him. Trusting in these facts allowed me to find a relationship with God that I did not know was possible.
“It has been nine years since I made the decision to follow Christ, and life has not magically become easy or perfect. In the last year, I had one of the worst battles with depression I’ve ever had. But with the tools I’ve learned in re:generation, Watermark’s biblical recovery ministry, and the supportive community around me, I know I don’t have to run to those momentary comforts and sin anymore. I can process and lean on the Lord instead. I know when I struggle, I go to the Lord through the Bible, prayer, and my community group.
“For so long, I was running to things that would make me feel good in the moment, but I have found the most peace in God’s plan for me.”
[Gather])(/gather) is Watermark’s ministry for single adults in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who want to grow in their relationship with Christ and connect with others in the same life stage. The next Bible study kicks off on Wednesday, June 25.